


Blame Tumblr

by wendymarlowe



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, I Blame Tumblr, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymarlowe/pseuds/wendymarlowe
Summary: “I bought you milk, jam, and new red pants, and made you tea. I believe that's the appropriate courting ritual. Can we have sex now?"
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 26
Kudos: 263





	Blame Tumblr

Usually when the kitchen table was covered with two dozen varieties of the same product, it was for an experiment. John surveyed the collection of jams--plum, raspberry, mint, jalapeno, lavender and rosewater (why?)--and shrugged.

The next day, the jams had disappeared and were replaced by thirteen different cartons of milk. Multiple sizes, brands, some with “milk” in the name but which bore only passing resemblance to dairy. John paused, frowned, then went to make himself some tea. “You’ll want to put those in the fridge before they spoil, Sherlock,” he said on his way back upstairs.

The third day wasn’t so easy to explain. John stopped dead at the selection of underpants on the table. Boxers, Y-fronts, even two thongs. And all bright red.

Sherlock beamed at him from the doorway. “I discovered Tumblr,” he declared.

“I… see.”

Sherlock stared at him expectantly.

“Okay, no I don’t.”

He got a sigh for that. “I was doing research, John. Milk, jam, red pants. All things you like. Oh!” Sherlock dashed to the sink and filled the kettle. “Sorry, forgot the tea.”

John wracked his brain, trying to come up with a conclusion, but drew a blank. “I don’t understand. I mean, thank you? But…”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “And _obviously_ I’d like to have sex with you.”

“That’s… not at all obvious.” John had to lean back against the wall because his legs were suddenly less reliable than usual. “I didn’t think you do that sort of thing.”

“Usually I don’t. I haven’t before. But I found Tumblr.”

“And?”

“And there’s a plethora of fan art out there depicting you and me mid-coitus. Mid- several sexual acts, actually. And I decided I want to try sex, and I want to try it with you.” Sherlock said it like it was the most obvious deduction ever. “I bought you milk, jam, and new red pants, and made you tea. I believe that's the appropriate courting ritual. Can we have sex now? I know what you like because I've done my research."

_This ridiculous man._ Only Sherlock would consider almond milk and surprise red Y-fronts as foreplay. John took two steps and pinned Sherlock to the refrigerator. One look at Sherlock’s shocked but eager expression told him the move had been the right decision. “Sherlock,” John said, looking the man right in the eye. “You missed some steps.”

Sherlock swallowed. “Oh.”

“Yes.” John leaned in, trailing his nose along Sherlock’s carotid artery and inhaling deeply. Sherlock shivered. “First, we are going to drink the tea you’re making me. And then I am going to seduce you.”

“Ah.” Sherlock blinked. “That’s… good.”

“Excellent.” John pressed a quick kiss to Sherlock’s lips, barely long enough for Sherlock to draw in a sharp breath, then backed up and sat on the edge of the pants-covered table. “I’ll admit, I do look forward to seeing you in red.”


End file.
